Love and Other Experiences

    Given the type of work that I do, it probably comes as no surprise that I operate from a deeply spiritual perspective. I hold certain core beliefs about my reason for being here and feel guided and supported spiritually. I believe that in order to feel this depth of spiritual connection and support it is important to have a clear understanding of what love is, as a matter of fact it is important to have knowledge of love. 

     Different people may experience love in various ways, however for me there are certain fundamental truths in the way that I have both experienced and come to understand love. 

     Firstly, I believe there are two types of love experienced in the world; one is what I refer to as ‘topical love’ and the second I call ‘spiritual love.’ I define topical love as the emotional aspect many people either experience or operate from on a day to day basis. It is what I have come to interpret as ‘conditional love’ as it relies on a certain set of conditions in order to exist.  

     This is the love that is felt between two people in many relationships and friendships and it is often experienced as unstable. Examples of this include but are not restricted to, I love you because:

  • I find you attractive,
  • you meet all my physical needs,
  • I think your funny,
  • you make me happy,
  • you buy me nice gifts,
  • we think the same. 

     The above examples are many of the reasons either given or demonstrated by individuals when asked why they love someone. The problem I see with this type of love lies with the fact that conditions are prone to change.  Before too long one can feel they have been turned around and an individual may after a period of time find themselves saying “I don’t find you attractive any more, you no longer meet all my needs and you’re not making me happy,”  this is eventually followed by “I don’t love you anymore.” 

     The conditions that supported the presence of love are no longer there and as a result the feeling of love is no longer there either. 

     The second type of love is what I call ‘spiritual love,’ it is the deep heart/soul connection that we usually have with our children and we should have with the right partner. It is the type of love that usually generates a different response when asked a question like, “why do you love Billy?” the answer for me is “I don’t know I just do.”  

     The beauty in this type of love lies in the fact that it allows for some mistakes, forgives faults and imperfections and holds no false expectations of the other person. It is unconditional and therefore is not prone to change; ‘through thick and thin’ it remains the same.  

     Ultimately this is the type of love we should endeavour to cultivate for all the relationships in our lives, as it liberates us from the bonds of false conditioning, which would have us believe that someone must meet a certain criteria in or order to be loved. This preconceived ‘criteria’ may be dependent on the amount of physical attraction, financial support and emotional needs considered desirable by an individual. Unfortunately it then must be coupled with the right set circumstances before the other person can be seen as worthy or lovable. 

     Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand that sexual desire and or physical attraction will often play a part in what initially draws us together with a lover or partner, but it’s no foundation for deep lasting contentment within the relationship.  

     We may also recognize that it is a similar experience when we find ourselves attracted to like minded friends, it is great to share interests and points of view but there are also a whole lot of people out there who are very different (not only from us but also each other) and they have the potential to offer us new perspectives and experiences that may well turn out to be just as lovable, though not as familiar or predictable as those in our usual comfort zone.